Tag Archives: Personal Growth

The process of improving skills, self-understanding, and overall life fulfillment.

#43 The Ugly Stepsister and The Substance: mirros to our inner and outer worlds

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Two movies that, in my opinion, encapsulate one powerful aspect of our society in a masterful way: looks can get you far, but depending on them will destroy you—inside and out.
In a world increasingly bombarded by an overwhelming storm of video content—much of it led by anyone with a phone who steps into the debatable role of “influencer”—our independent will and decision-making capacity seem to be vanishing. This leaves a dangerous vacuum where ethically grounded, far-sighted, and morally sound role models are missing.

Obviously, these movies are much more than that. As with any work of cinema, each viewer interprets the story and characters differently.
Other themes stood out to me strongly: the comparison trap and the lack of contentment—even when one reaches personal goals. These were portrayed both implicitly and explicitly, reflecting the collective and individual psychosis we are experiencing today and the path toward oblivion we seem to be heading down.

Our capacity for monstrous actions is never pleasant to witness, nor something we enjoy indulging in for too long. Yet acknowledgment is always the first spoonful of medicine we must swallow to begin changing certain patterns, whether individually or collectively.
It’s true, though, that there’s a time for acknowledgment—and perhaps we’re not there yet. I see more and more people around me choosing to ignore these realities and retreat into their own personal La La La Lands. I say this in the least judgmental way possible. As beings deeply connected to what happens around us, unless we cultivate a degree of detachment, objectivity, and realism, examining our problematic self too closely can easily overwhelm us.
That’s why movies like The Substance and The Ugly Stepsister can be so powerful: they compel us to take a deep, unavoidable look at our collective insanity.

I realize I’m talking about these movies without really talking about them—but isn’t that often what happens after we leave the cinema? Whether we’re alone or in company, good films help us reflect on something deeper, and that reflection can linger for days, weeks, even months.

I usually sympathize with both the villains and the heroes in films—unless they’re mere propagandistic caricatures, created to implant prefabricated notions of good and evil.
One major takeaway for me comes from the character of Agnes, portrayed by Thea Sofie Loch Næss in The Ugly Stepsister.
Throughout the entire film, which spans several years, she resists her diabolically jealous stepsister Elvira’s (played by Lea Myren) attempts to undermine her beauty, intellect, maturity, and wisdom. Agnes knows who she is and stays true to her deepest values, no matter what.
And it doesn’t matter whether she ends up triumphant or not—what matters is that she remains connected to her identity, even as the world around her falls apart.

Elvira’s arc is equally powerful. It shows that no matter how far we’ve fallen, how deep we are in the hole, or what atrocities we’ve committed, there is always a way out. There is always a path to redemption—even when nobody believes we deserve it, and even when the consequences of our actions may follow us for the rest of our lives.
Again, it all starts from within: from putting our pieces back together and allowing ourselves to walk the path of self-forgiveness.

#34 Protecting ourselves while opening up

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Imagine you’re having a conversation with someone. You’ve been exchanging intimate details about your lives, and you feel safe enough to share something deeply vulnerable, like:

“My mother died of cancer when I was ten. I still feel an emptiness when thinking about it.”

But to your astonishment, the other person replies:

“Still? After all these years? Come on, you gotta move on!”

I bet you’d feel hurt, confused, and would react with the typical fight, flight, or freeze response. You might take it personally and decide never to share anything with that person again. Correct?

When we open up to others, we must accept that vulnerability comes with risk—of criticism, misinterpretation, unsolicited advice, or outright dismissal. A conscious approach, though, isn’t always possible; sometimes we’re just flowing through a conversation. But ideally, we should learn to protect ourselves in any circumstance.

In a perfect world, this vulnerability would be met with empathy, compassion, maturity, and intuition—elements that create a safe space for intimate connection. But as we know, the world is far from ideal.

That said, no meaningful relationship—of any kind—exists without occasional disappointment. We tend to expect more from those we allow close to us, but expectations often undermine relationships, just like comparison robs us of happiness. We must remain rooted in ourselves, closer to our inner compass than to the urge to close gaps with the people around us. And it’s our responsibility to shape communication in ways that feel safe and respectful for all parties—through honest expression, clear boundaries, and mutual understanding.

The ability to shape a relationship should go hand-in-hand with choosing them wisely: developing the sensitivity to recognize early on which people will require the least emotional effort to maintain healthy communication.

Still, we may go through periods where solitude feels like the better choice. Not because we reject connection, but because we’re exhausted—tired of investing in yet another relationship or friendship that drains us. Even then, we must sit with our inner demons—grappling with thoughts of the past, present, and future, and confronting the psychological obstacles our mind constantly elaborates.

There are also those moments when life seems to place only annoying or immature people in our path. And let me be clear: I’m not here to criticize such people. I’ve been that person. You’ve probably been that person. Humility and the awareness that we’re all works in progress can help not just us, but others too.

One small, recurring thing I try to do when I feel hurt, misunderstood, dismissed, or belittled in a conversation is to take responsibility for my feelings. First, I examine where they come from. Then I try to empathize with the other person—to understand what might have triggered their reaction. Sometimes, for example, people simply feel like shit and alone, and they want to drag others into their misery. It may be unconscious, but it’s still a mechanism—a pattern they’ve been repeating for a long time.

So the next time we find ourselves opening up, revealing intimate details, and receiving an offhand comment or a dismissive silence in return, we can try a simple practice: pause and identify the feeling the other person’s behavior triggered in us, then express it. A sentence like:

“When you dismissed what I said about how my mother’s death still makes me feel, I felt sad.”

is already a meaningful first step. It sounds simple, but it’s one of the hardest things to do in relationships—because most of us react to feelings instead of sitting with them, and finding the courage to acknowledge them to ourselves and share them with others.

If this sparked your curiosity, I encourage you to read Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. These were two fundamental books for my development and growth over the last years.

#29 Uma breve distinção: ambição construtiva e ambição destrutiva

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Eu tento sempre pensar em qual será o próximo passo importante que darei na minha vida. E com “passo importante”, quero dizer algo que me fará avançar como indivíduo. No entanto, às vezes me questiono se essa mentalidade não pode acabar complicando nossa vida, em vez de melhorá-la.

Ouso fazer uma distinção entre ambição construtiva e ambição destrutiva. E, ao usar “destrutiva”, não o faço de maneira leviana. Pelo contrário, acredito que uma ambição mal direcionada pode nos levar à perda da saúde, tanto física quanto mental. E não apenas a nossa própria saúde, mas também a das pessoas ao nosso redor. Um exemplo claro disso é a figura de Gordon Gekko, do filme Wall Street dos anos 80, cuja filosofia “ganância é boa” (“greed is good”) reflete perfeitamente os perigos da ambição destrutiva.

O drama dessa questão é que quem é um vetor da ambição destrutiva, na maioria das vezes (e digo isso com base apenas na minha observação pessoal, sem qualquer fundamento em pesquisa científica), não tem consciência disso. Ou, então, foi tão corrompido por essa ambição que já não há mais volta.

Por outro lado, quem manifesta ambição construtiva tem um poder incrível: sua energia parece fluir sem esforço e iluminar muito além de si mesmo. Acredito que essa ambição surja da aceitação de que a vida é feita de ciclos, mais ou menos semelhantes, mas sempre desconhecidos. Podemos imaginar o amanhã, mas nunca saberemos exatamente como ele se desenvolverá. E não saber o que nos espera, não ter controle absoluto, não é algo ruim. Pelo contrário, aprender a se entregar ao desconhecido nos ensina a aceitar o fluxo natural da vida.

Já a ambição destrutiva parece estar enraizada no desejo de controle. E esse desejo, por sua vez, nasce do medo de perdê-lo. Por isso, essa forma de ambição tem um poder corrompedor: tudo aquilo que não sabemos deixar ir tem o poder de corromper nossa alma.

#26 Il peso di gennaio: timori, speranze e resilienza

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Sono alla fine dell’ultimo lunedì di gennaio e mi sento stanco, non per la giornata lavorativa appena conclusa, ma per la quantità di eventi che si sono susseguiti in queste poche settimane del nuovo anno. Eventi che vanno da quelli che riempiono il cuore di speranza, come la liberazione di Cecilia Sala dalla prigione in Iran, a quelli che lasciano sospesi tra sollievo e diffidenza, come il cessate il fuoco a Gaza, fino a quelli che fanno venire i brividi, come il braccio teso di Elon Musk a ringraziare la folla per la fiducia riposta in loro, MAGA boys.

A più riprese mi sono detto: “Certe notizie sono veramente delle supercazzole,” oppure, ispirate ad una scena del film Idiocracy, in cui la società è talmente decadente che persino il senso comune più basico sembra perdere ogni significato.

A febbraio ci attendono le elezioni qui in Germania; a maggio, quelle in Romania. Rabbrividisco pensando alla piega ancora più Orwelliana che potrebbe delinearsi di fronte a noi.

In questi momenti, vengo assorbito da una spirale di pensieri e riflessioni nel tentativo di decifrare l’indecifrabile destino dell’umanità. Cerco di ritrovare quei concetti che ormai sembrano dissolversi in particelle sempre più minuscole e inafferrabili: pace, democrazia, tolleranza. Eppure, è in questi momenti che mi dico: ci siamo già passati e ce l’abbiamo fatta. L’umanità ha vissuto orrori indescrivibili. Impareremo dai nostri errori ed evolveremo.

Mi soffermo sulla semplice constatazione della nostra capacità, come esseri umani, di commettere errori che vanno al di là di ogni concezione. Eppure, riusciamo a imparare da essi, anche quando il nostro destino sembra irreversibilmente compromesso da azioni che non hanno nulla di umano.

E allora, prendo un lungo sospiro. Non è un sospiro di sollievo, perché il sollievo oggi è difficile trovarlo. È semplicemente un sospiro che, tuttavia, mi permette di riconnettermi con il mio corpo e tornare a percepire ciò che mi sta intorno, un po’ più presente.

Mi sforzo poi di pensare alla cosa più bella che mi sia capitata oggi, questa settimana e questo mese, e tre immagini mi vengono in mente: il volto della donna che amo, le piante di cui mi prendo cura e il mio corpo che ancora funziona.

#19 The humbling path of starting over

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When I started my new job last November, I thought I would have learned everything there was to know about the role very quickly, that I would have been speaking the smoothest German in no time, and that after a few weeks, I would be having promotion talks with my manager for my outstanding performance.
I came from a very challenging position as a Senior Content Designer, handling the end-to-end content of multiple products in different languages for a tax-filing app. Whatever lay ahead of me, will not be more challenging than that. I thought.
– Besides. – I said to myself. – It’s just a customer support role. How difficult can it be? Plus. – I concluded. – I am a senior professional with years of experience helping people understand complex topics easily.”

I can’t believe the size of the bait I took from my own ego. My arrogance, ignorance, and stubbornness were totally detrimental to me. On the outside, though, I was handling myself very well—I wore, once more, the shoes of a devoted student who’s fully dedicated to learning as much as possible and who’s very appreciative of the opportunity given, especially in these times when having a job feels more like a privilege than a human right. On the inside, feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration corroded me, as I secretly perceived this new beginning as a step back in my career—a feeling that got in the way of the smoother and more pleasant start I was so much looking for.

But paradoxically, what saved me from complete self-sabotage was exactly the intensity of the challenge I was facing, which stimulated my curiosity and willingness to overcome the obstacles and difficulties I encountered.

The first massive challenge I experienced was communicating with colleagues exclusively in German. The funny thing is that a German-speaking job was something I had been looking for since I moved to Germany, but achieving that isn’t simple. You need a good level of German to start from, and despite the hundreds of hours I had invested in courses, tandems, reading books, and watching movies in German, having a normally paced conversation at work is tough. You can’t really stop and ask people to repeat a sentence constantly.

The second challenge was learning new concepts related to computer networking, electronics, and many other technical topics fundamental to understanding the products and customers.

Finally, the third biggest and maybe most complex challenge is understanding the myriad of problems that customers face and learning how to guide them toward the best, most simple, and satisfying solution possible—all while avoiding taking anything personally and being a company cheerleader.

So how did I keep afloat during these first two months in this radical and challenging career change? How did I maintain my sanity while facing such a steep learning curve? Once more, acceptance and surrender really helped me. Understanding that I couldn’t have everything under control as I did after years of experience in other roles, and that I would struggle to communicate with my colleagues and clients in German, was truly like lifting a huge weight off my shoulders. I know that my German will suck for months until it doesn’t anymore; I know I won’t be in my comfort zone in terms of skills and knowledge until I will again; and I know I will struggle to solve most customer problems until I have mastered the most important of them.

Growth is less about perfection and more about perseverance. It’s more about embracing limitations and focusing on incremental improvements than setting flashy goals and unrealistic expectations. When we restart with a series of overwhelming challenges ahead of us, it’s really okay to feel uncomfortable, to struggle, and to sound silly while speaking a very complex foreign language—that’s learning right there, that’s growth right there! Nothing could be better than that.

Things take time, especially when there are big changes involved that we are not used to handling. But things are difficult until they aren’t anymore.

I’m really looking forward to seeing where I’ll be one year from now. At the same time, I want to exorcise from my future any freaking layoff shadow—even though now I know that I can overcome that too.

#18 A compass for the year ahead that works

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I initially wanted to write yet another 2024 wrap-up, which would have most likely turned into a me-me-me redundant post filled with complaints about my “almosts” and “not yets” from the past year. Instead, I prefer to share something that brought clarity to previous years and became a reliable tool for a hopeful start to each new year.

Nowadays, we receive end-of-year wrap-ups and new year’s resolutions updates from almost every app on our phones. This barrage can make reflecting on recent experiences and planning ahead feel overwhelming. However, cutting through the noise to find a tool that truly works for us can transform these reflections into powerful and inspiring activities.

For the last four years, my go-to tool has been a booklet called Year Compass (which you can download entirely free here).

I was first introduced to it by my ex-girlfriend. We began filling out our respective booklets together at her parents’ chalet-style home in Brussels, sitting in front of a rattling fireplace as snowflakes fell like tiny meteorites, driven by a strong and gelid wind. Despite this picturesque, almost dreamlike setting, my first experience was painful. It took me at least three hours to complete the entire Year Compass, as it required deep reflection across all the major spheres of life.

Each year, though, the process became easier, and its effectiveness grew to the point where I can’t imagine starting a new year without it.

So, for anyone seeking a way to process their experiences, integrate the past year with a sense of accomplishment and closure, and face 2025 with renewed hope and confidence, I highly recommend filling out this amazing and completely free tool. You can download it easily, and it’s best to complete it before the new year begins—or at the latest, within the first two weeks of January.