Tag Archives: Conflict Resolution

Methods and strategies for addressing disagreements constructively to reach understanding and maintain harmony.

#27 Talk with each other, not about each other: a leadership lesson

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A couple of months after starting my current job, the CEO gave a speech at the company’s ten-year anniversary event.

I’ve never been a fan of corporate speeches. I often find them repetitive, inauthentic, and lacking the kind of substance that resonates with me. As far as I remember, my peers in previous companies felt the same way—we would roll our eyes in sync at nearly every sentence. At times, these speeches felt like emotional manipulation, borderline blackmail, yet another attempt to motivate a tired and bored workforce to go the extra mile, again and again, for the sake of the product, the company’s vision, and ultimately, the leadership’s agenda.

However, at this end-of-year event, I was pleasantly surprised by the CEO’s words. His speech wasn’t about numbers, nor did it attempt to persuade everyone to rally behind a mission full of empty promises. It wasn’t an ego-driven monologue designed to make us grovel at his feet. Yes, there were glasses raised to celebrate the company’s achievements, but the focus was on gratitude. He thanked almost everyone in the room, individually and as a team, highlighting something specific that each person contributed, recognizing qualities worth appreciating.

It was a long evening of speeches—maybe too long for my taste. I left earlier than most because, honestly, I never linger at these events. I already spend countless hours at the office, giving my all to my work with the highest level of dedication. Once I’m out, I want to live my life.

Even so, I walked away from that event with one key takeaway: a sentence the CEO shared at the end of his speech. He reminded us that we are a team and, to collaborate sustainably, we need to uphold certain core values. He summed it up perfectly by saying, “Talk with each other, not about each other.”

I can’t even begin to describe how much those words meant to me. They deeply resonated because, too often, workplace dynamics evolve into what people call “company politics.” In my experience, this term doesn’t have a positive connotation. It often means talking the loudest, speaking behind others’ backs, and adopting an overachieving, opportunistic mindset.

By saying, “Talk with each other, not about each other,” he championed values of collaboration, honesty, and a focus on the craft itself, instead of wasting energy on counterproductive behaviors. Those words inspired me to channel my efforts into genuine teamwork and meaningful contributions.

#11 Avoiding resentment and reactivity

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Some people believe that, in a work environment, you must assert yourself by setting firm boundaries with strength and determination, never allowing anyone to undermine your position. I fully agree with setting clear boundaries, but the approach matters. If “strength” translates to being aggressive, defensive, or perpetually on guard, assuming the worst in others, then I disagree.

In the long run, this approach breeds paranoia, making it challenging for others to work with and relate to us. I’ve been on both sides of this dynamic at different stages in my life. What I’ve found insightful is that a company’s culture is rarely about the idealized values outlined by executives. Rather, it’s defined by the values each employee embodies and the way they adapt to the existing culture within their teams.

The companies and teams I found the easiest to integrate with—and where I felt I could thrive—were those where emotional maturity prevailed or where there was, at least, a collective inclination toward it. By “emotional maturity,” I mean an environment without inflated egos, where no one overly identifies with their role in a way that makes them unduly reactive or critical. For instance, when team members see feedback as a mutual growth tool rather than a personal critique, it fosters a supportive environment rather than a hostile one.

Of course, no workplace is perfect. There will be times when we take things personally, and tense moments are inevitable. We are human, after all. Expecting total detachment or a complete absence of reactivity over months and years of collaboration is unrealistic. The key is learning to manage these tensions constructively.

On this front, I’ve found tremendous support in the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) principles developed by Marshall Rosenberg. NVC emphasizes empathetic listening, focusing on both our own and others’ needs, and communicating in a way that strengthens relationships rather than damages them. I recommend reading Rosenberg’s book or even attending NVC workshops; these principles can genuinely transform our interactions.

Ultimately, it’s essential to avoid harboring resentment—whether toward ourselves or others—and to remember that we’re part of a continuous growth process. Every challenge is an opportunity to learn, depending on our perspective. Rather than labeling experiences as “good” or “bad,” it’s more productive to view them as parts of life’s broader journey.

What truly matters is our ability to work harmoniously with the communities we’re part of, remaining aware of our values, staying true to ourselves, and upholding our principles without losing our sense of self. By focusing on collaboration and maturity, we contribute positively to both our personal growth and the work environment around us.