Category Archives: Relationships

#34 Protecting ourselves while opening up

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Imagine you’re having a conversation with someone. You’ve been exchanging intimate details about your lives, and you feel safe enough to share something deeply vulnerable, like:

“My mother died of cancer when I was ten. I still feel an emptiness when thinking about it.”

But to your astonishment, the other person replies:

“Still? After all these years? Come on, you gotta move on!”

I bet you’d feel hurt, confused, and would react with the typical fight, flight, or freeze response. You might take it personally and decide never to share anything with that person again. Correct?

When we open up to others, we must accept that vulnerability comes with risk—of criticism, misinterpretation, unsolicited advice, or outright dismissal. A conscious approach, though, isn’t always possible; sometimes we’re just flowing through a conversation. But ideally, we should learn to protect ourselves in any circumstance.

In a perfect world, this vulnerability would be met with empathy, compassion, maturity, and intuition—elements that create a safe space for intimate connection. But as we know, the world is far from ideal.

That said, no meaningful relationship—of any kind—exists without occasional disappointment. We tend to expect more from those we allow close to us, but expectations often undermine relationships, just like comparison robs us of happiness. We must remain rooted in ourselves, closer to our inner compass than to the urge to close gaps with the people around us. And it’s our responsibility to shape communication in ways that feel safe and respectful for all parties—through honest expression, clear boundaries, and mutual understanding.

The ability to shape a relationship should go hand-in-hand with choosing them wisely: developing the sensitivity to recognize early on which people will require the least emotional effort to maintain healthy communication.

Still, we may go through periods where solitude feels like the better choice. Not because we reject connection, but because we’re exhausted—tired of investing in yet another relationship or friendship that drains us. Even then, we must sit with our inner demons—grappling with thoughts of the past, present, and future, and confronting the psychological obstacles our mind constantly elaborates.

There are also those moments when life seems to place only annoying or immature people in our path. And let me be clear: I’m not here to criticize such people. I’ve been that person. You’ve probably been that person. Humility and the awareness that we’re all works in progress can help not just us, but others too.

One small, recurring thing I try to do when I feel hurt, misunderstood, dismissed, or belittled in a conversation is to take responsibility for my feelings. First, I examine where they come from. Then I try to empathize with the other person—to understand what might have triggered their reaction. Sometimes, for example, people simply feel like shit and alone, and they want to drag others into their misery. It may be unconscious, but it’s still a mechanism—a pattern they’ve been repeating for a long time.

So the next time we find ourselves opening up, revealing intimate details, and receiving an offhand comment or a dismissive silence in return, we can try a simple practice: pause and identify the feeling the other person’s behavior triggered in us, then express it. A sentence like:

“When you dismissed what I said about how my mother’s death still makes me feel, I felt sad.”

is already a meaningful first step. It sounds simple, but it’s one of the hardest things to do in relationships—because most of us react to feelings instead of sitting with them, and finding the courage to acknowledge them to ourselves and share them with others.

If this sparked your curiosity, I encourage you to read Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. These were two fundamental books for my development and growth over the last years.

#27 Talk with each other, not about each other: a leadership lesson

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A couple of months after starting my current job, the CEO gave a speech at the company’s ten-year anniversary event.

I’ve never been a fan of corporate speeches. I often find them repetitive, inauthentic, and lacking the kind of substance that resonates with me. As far as I remember, my peers in previous companies felt the same way—we would roll our eyes in sync at nearly every sentence. At times, these speeches felt like emotional manipulation, borderline blackmail, yet another attempt to motivate a tired and bored workforce to go the extra mile, again and again, for the sake of the product, the company’s vision, and ultimately, the leadership’s agenda.

However, at this end-of-year event, I was pleasantly surprised by the CEO’s words. His speech wasn’t about numbers, nor did it attempt to persuade everyone to rally behind a mission full of empty promises. It wasn’t an ego-driven monologue designed to make us grovel at his feet. Yes, there were glasses raised to celebrate the company’s achievements, but the focus was on gratitude. He thanked almost everyone in the room, individually and as a team, highlighting something specific that each person contributed, recognizing qualities worth appreciating.

It was a long evening of speeches—maybe too long for my taste. I left earlier than most because, honestly, I never linger at these events. I already spend countless hours at the office, giving my all to my work with the highest level of dedication. Once I’m out, I want to live my life.

Even so, I walked away from that event with one key takeaway: a sentence the CEO shared at the end of his speech. He reminded us that we are a team and, to collaborate sustainably, we need to uphold certain core values. He summed it up perfectly by saying, “Talk with each other, not about each other.”

I can’t even begin to describe how much those words meant to me. They deeply resonated because, too often, workplace dynamics evolve into what people call “company politics.” In my experience, this term doesn’t have a positive connotation. It often means talking the loudest, speaking behind others’ backs, and adopting an overachieving, opportunistic mindset.

By saying, “Talk with each other, not about each other,” he championed values of collaboration, honesty, and a focus on the craft itself, instead of wasting energy on counterproductive behaviors. Those words inspired me to channel my efforts into genuine teamwork and meaningful contributions.

#23 A cross-cultural journey leading to authenticity

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I recently had a conversation with a German friend that brought up an interesting topic highlighting cultural differences and perspectives.
We started talking about ethics in customer service and sales, then expanded the conversation to the importance of being authentic and honest. From his point of view and upbringing, being one’s true self and saying what one thinks is essential and non-negotiable. Today, I agree with him 100% on this viewpoint, but back then, I was caught up in the mechanisms of the main cultures I was exposed to as a child and adolescent. I probably wouldn’t have even been able to acknowledge its importance.

We were drinking tea, and he picked up a mug to make a point:
“In Germany, I would sell this (the mug) to you by saying, ‘You can drink from it.’ Maybe I would additionally mention the quality of the material, but that’s it.”

Yes, I thought, that aligns with my experience with Germans—a very essential, functional, and honest approach. That’s one of the main reasons I like living here: I don’t lose sleep trying to interpret the hidden meanings of something someone told me the day before. They say what they think and think what they say, most of the time.

“In Italy and Brazil, that wouldn’t work,” I replied. “Marketing is a powerful component in selling any product, and you need to deliver a story that touches the heart to catch someone’s attention.”

That’s not exactly what I said; I’m paraphrasing a little. We were speaking in German, so I probably said something even more basic, but that’s what I was trying to communicate. However, as I wrote this paraphrased version, I noticed the issue again in the words “to catch someone’s attention.”

From my experience, in Latin America and Mediterranean countries, emotions and feelings are deeply embedded in communication. Some might perceive this as dramatic, while others might call it passionate. The challenge, however, is that one can easily get carried away by emotions and stories. Trying to convince an audience—or simply “to catch their attention”—by leveraging emotions is a tricky endeavor. It can often blur into manipulation, where pleasing others, telling white lies, or navigating situations through embellished stories (whether true or not) becomes a common practice.

This approach often shifts the focus toward meeting the expectations of others rather than adhering to the values that are meaningful to oneself. As a result, it sometimes feels like everyone is playing a role rather than being their authentic selves. And yet, I recognize that these are cultural traits of the societies and communities I’ve been exposed to. Of course, there are ways to develop ethical practices within these cultural frameworks, but I’d argue that it’s challenging to stay authentic—or, to put it less abstractly, to remain connected to one’s core and true self.

The greater danger is that, in constantly trying to meet others’ expectations, we risk losing touch with our own needs. Personally, I feel I’ve grown closer to understanding my own needs in the five years I’ve lived in Germany than in the thirty-three years I lived elsewhere. Perhaps this is simply part of my natural maturation process, unrelated to the cultural environment—one can never be entirely certain. Still, I believe living here has significantly influenced this journey.

I say all this without resentment or regret about my past or roots—or at least, I hope that’s true.

To close, I hope I haven’t hurt anyone’s feelings with this anecdotal and spontaneous reflection. I realize cultural differences are a slippery slope and are often prone to stereotyping. If I’ve fallen into that trap, I apologize in advance.

#13 The woman with the bike on the tram

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This morning, I experienced a typical Berlin mid-November scene: a tram packed with moody, wet adults, adolescents, and children on their way to work and school. The energy was subdued yet calming. Despite the lack of enthusiasm and excitement, there was a certain peace in the air. Everyone was minding their own business, respecting the unspoken agreement to keep conversations minimal. Heads were buried in screens, books, or gazing out of the window.

As usual, I took out the book I was currently reading and, within moments, was completely absorbed. The city noises, the smell of soaked bodies—all of it faded as I was drawn deeper into the story. The opening and closing of doors at each stop and the subtle shifts in the crowd barely registered as I turned page after page.

Then, the flow of the commute was interrupted. A woman with a bike entered the tram exactly where I was standing forcing me to make a couple of steps back and squeeze myself against a bench of strangers, including a tiny girl that had chosen a corner for herself to zoom out of the rest of the crowd. The woman with the bike pushed her way in, further jostling against the tightly packed passengers, risking injury to both children and adults standing shoulder to shoulder. Eyes turned toward her, expecting an apology, a conciliatory smile, or, better yet, her realizing the situation and stepping back out. But none of that happened. She stood there, straight and stiff, chin held high, exuding an air of entitlement I had rarely seen.

I noticed a baby seat attached to the back of her bike as she pressed a few children against the doors. The passengers, already drained and bracing for their day ahead, lacked the energy to challenge her behavior. It was simply too early for that. And me? I wouldn’t dare confront a mother during the morning rush in a city as ultra-feminist and politically correct as Berlin. Not a chance.

Still, like everyone else, I was irritated. The carefully curated, mid-November bubble of morning quiet had burst. The shared sense of empathy was gone, replaced by heavy sighs and exasperated glances as the tram carried us to the next stops.

Finally, my transfer stop arrived. I crossed the street to the S-Bahn at Alexanderplatz, boarded the train, and reopened my book, ready to return to my story.

Written on 14.11.2024

#11 Avoiding resentment and reactivity

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Strength vs. reaction in the workplace

Some people believe that, in a work environment, you must assert yourself by setting firm boundaries with strength and determination, never allowing anyone to undermine your position. I fully agree with setting clear boundaries, but the approach matters. If “strength” translates to being aggressive, defensive, or perpetually on guard, assuming the worst in others, then I disagree.

In the long run, this approach breeds paranoia, making it challenging for others to work with and relate to us. I’ve been on both sides of this dynamic at different stages in my life.

Emotional maturity as a daily practice

What I’ve found insightful is that a company’s culture is rarely about the idealized values outlined by executives. Rather, it’s defined by the values each employee embodies and the way they adapt to the existing culture within their teams.

The companies and teams I found the easiest to integrate with—and where I felt I could thrive—were those where emotional maturity prevailed or where there was, at least, a collective inclination toward it. By “emotional maturity,” I mean an environment without inflated egos, where no one overly identifies with their role in a way that makes them unduly reactive or critical. For instance, when team members see feedback as a mutual growth tool rather than a personal critique, it fosters a supportive environment rather than a hostile one.

Of course, no workplace is perfect. There will be times when we take things personally, and tense moments are inevitable. We are human, after all. Expecting total detachment or a complete absence of reactivity over months and years of collaboration is unrealistic. The key is learning to manage these tensions constructively.

A practical framework: Nonviolent Communication

On this regard, I’ve found tremendous support in the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) principles developed by Marshall Rosenberg. NVC emphasizes empathetic listening, focusing on both our own and others’ needs, and communicating in a way that strengthens relationships rather than damages them. I recommend reading Rosenberg’s book or even attending NVC workshops; these principles can genuinely transform our interactions.

Ultimately, it’s essential to avoid harboring resentment—whether toward ourselves or others—and to remember that we’re part of a continuous growth process. Every challenge is an opportunity to learn, depending on our perspective. Rather than labeling experiences as “good” or “bad,” it’s more productive to view them as parts of life’s broader journey.

What truly matters is our ability to work harmoniously with the communities we’re part of, remaining aware of our values, staying true to ourselves, and upholding our principles without losing our sense of self. By focusing on collaboration and maturity, we contribute positively to both our personal growth and the work environment around us.

#6 Reconnecting with an old colleague after years: why professional relationships matter

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Reconnecting after years: more than just networking

Reconnecting with an old colleague can feel unexpectedly meaningful. What starts as a simple professional exchange can quickly turn into a reminder of shared history, trust, and growth.

Recently, I had a video call with Andrea, a former colleague from my time in Barcelona.

We used to work closely together and spend time outside the office — swimming twice a week, sharing breaks, and having long conversations after work. Over time, life pulled us in different directions. New countries, new environments, and new social circles gradually replaced what once felt permanent.

Why important work relationships fade over time

Some colleagues leave a lasting impression — not just because of their skills, but because of their character. Andrea is one of those people. Calm, non-judgmental, generous, and genuinely curious, he made collaboration feel effortless.

During our conversation, we realized we hadn’t spoken in eight years. That moment raised a simple question: how do meaningful professional relationships quietly disappear?

For me, frequent relocation has been part of life. I’ve restarted in different countries, languages, and cultures multiple times. Moving forces adaptation — but it also normalizes distance. Letting go becomes a survival skill.

Over time, this pattern can unintentionally weaken relationships that once felt foundational.

How to Maintain Professional Relationships Over Time

Reconnecting reminded me that strong work relationships don’t require constant contact — but they do require intention.

A few simple practices help:
– Reach out occasionally without a specific agenda
– Celebrate milestones or achievements
– Offer support before asking for it
– Schedule periodic check-ins

Professional relationships are not only career assets — they are part of our personal continuity.

This reconnection didn’t create a new resolution or a productivity goal. Instead, it offered clarity: relationships deserve the same attention we give to new opportunities.

Careers evolve. Cities change. Projects end. But the people we worked alongside shape who we become. Staying connected, even lightly, preserves a thread of continuity in an otherwise constantly shifting life.