Category Archives: Mental Health

#19 The humbling path of starting over

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When I started my new job last November, I thought I would have learned everything there was to know about the role very quickly, that I would have been speaking the smoothest German in no time, and that after a few weeks, I would be having promotion talks with my manager for my outstanding performance.
I came from a very challenging position as a Senior Content Designer, handling the end-to-end content of multiple products in different languages for a tax-filing app. Whatever lay ahead of me, will not be more challenging than that. I thought.
– Besides. – I said to myself. – It’s just a customer support role. How difficult can it be? Plus. – I concluded. – I am a senior professional with years of experience helping people understand complex topics easily.”

I can’t believe the size of the bait I took from my own ego. My arrogance, ignorance, and stubbornness were totally detrimental to me. On the outside, though, I was handling myself very well—I wore, once more, the shoes of a devoted student who’s fully dedicated to learning as much as possible and who’s very appreciative of the opportunity given, especially in these times when having a job feels more like a privilege than a human right. On the inside, feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration corroded me, as I secretly perceived this new beginning as a step back in my career—a feeling that got in the way of the smoother and more pleasant start I was so much looking for.

But paradoxically, what saved me from complete self-sabotage was exactly the intensity of the challenge I was facing, which stimulated my curiosity and willingness to overcome the obstacles and difficulties I encountered.

The first massive challenge I experienced was communicating with colleagues exclusively in German. The funny thing is that a German-speaking job was something I had been looking for since I moved to Germany, but achieving that isn’t simple. You need a good level of German to start from, and despite the hundreds of hours I had invested in courses, tandems, reading books, and watching movies in German, having a normally paced conversation at work is tough. You can’t really stop and ask people to repeat a sentence constantly.

The second challenge was learning new concepts related to computer networking, electronics, and many other technical topics fundamental to understanding the products and customers.

Finally, the third biggest and maybe most complex challenge is understanding the myriad of problems that customers face and learning how to guide them toward the best, most simple, and satisfying solution possible—all while avoiding taking anything personally and being a company cheerleader.

So how did I keep afloat during these first two months in this radical and challenging career change? How did I maintain my sanity while facing such a steep learning curve? Once more, acceptance and surrender really helped me. Understanding that I couldn’t have everything under control as I did after years of experience in other roles, and that I would struggle to communicate with my colleagues and clients in German, was truly like lifting a huge weight off my shoulders. I know that my German will suck for months until it doesn’t anymore; I know I won’t be in my comfort zone in terms of skills and knowledge until I will again; and I know I will struggle to solve most customer problems until I have mastered the most important of them.

Growth is less about perfection and more about perseverance. It’s more about embracing limitations and focusing on incremental improvements than setting flashy goals and unrealistic expectations. When we restart with a series of overwhelming challenges ahead of us, it’s really okay to feel uncomfortable, to struggle, and to sound silly while speaking a very complex foreign language—that’s learning right there, that’s growth right there! Nothing could be better than that.

Things take time, especially when there are big changes involved that we are not used to handling. But things are difficult until they aren’t anymore.

I’m really looking forward to seeing where I’ll be one year from now. At the same time, I want to exorcise from my future any freaking layoff shadow—even though now I know that I can overcome that too.

#11 Avoiding resentment and reactivity

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Strength vs. reaction in the workplace

Some people believe that, in a work environment, you must assert yourself by setting firm boundaries with strength and determination, never allowing anyone to undermine your position. I fully agree with setting clear boundaries, but the approach matters. If “strength” translates to being aggressive, defensive, or perpetually on guard, assuming the worst in others, then I disagree.

In the long run, this approach breeds paranoia, making it challenging for others to work with and relate to us. I’ve been on both sides of this dynamic at different stages in my life.

Emotional maturity as a daily practice

What I’ve found insightful is that a company’s culture is rarely about the idealized values outlined by executives. Rather, it’s defined by the values each employee embodies and the way they adapt to the existing culture within their teams.

The companies and teams I found the easiest to integrate with—and where I felt I could thrive—were those where emotional maturity prevailed or where there was, at least, a collective inclination toward it. By “emotional maturity,” I mean an environment without inflated egos, where no one overly identifies with their role in a way that makes them unduly reactive or critical. For instance, when team members see feedback as a mutual growth tool rather than a personal critique, it fosters a supportive environment rather than a hostile one.

Of course, no workplace is perfect. There will be times when we take things personally, and tense moments are inevitable. We are human, after all. Expecting total detachment or a complete absence of reactivity over months and years of collaboration is unrealistic. The key is learning to manage these tensions constructively.

A practical framework: Nonviolent Communication

On this regard, I’ve found tremendous support in the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) principles developed by Marshall Rosenberg. NVC emphasizes empathetic listening, focusing on both our own and others’ needs, and communicating in a way that strengthens relationships rather than damages them. I recommend reading Rosenberg’s book or even attending NVC workshops; these principles can genuinely transform our interactions.

Ultimately, it’s essential to avoid harboring resentment—whether toward ourselves or others—and to remember that we’re part of a continuous growth process. Every challenge is an opportunity to learn, depending on our perspective. Rather than labeling experiences as “good” or “bad,” it’s more productive to view them as parts of life’s broader journey.

What truly matters is our ability to work harmoniously with the communities we’re part of, remaining aware of our values, staying true to ourselves, and upholding our principles without losing our sense of self. By focusing on collaboration and maturity, we contribute positively to both our personal growth and the work environment around us.

#8 Care less, work smarter

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A socially accepted bad habit

There are some simple lessons in life that we should never forget, as they have a significant impact on our mental and physical well-being. Things like going for a walk every day, spending time with friends, avoiding ultra-processed foods, cutting back on alcohol and smoking, not taking what people say too seriously, having a hobby, setting personal goals, and limiting social media use are all crucial. These practices form the building blocks that shape our values and behavioural patterns, helping us grow in a healthy and sustainable way.

That being said, there is one major lesson I find myself coming back to over and over again: caring less about my job. I have to constantly remind myself of this, as it’s easy to get caught up in the demands and pressures of work. But what do I mean by “caring less”? Or rather, what don’t I mean?

I don’t mean being unprofessional, neglecting our responsibilities, ignoring our colleagues, or disregarding the values of the companies we work for. We all know what we’re signing up for when we accept a job, and that involves meeting certain expectations. What I do mean is not letting work dominate our lives, not thinking that our self-worth is tied to promotions, or believing that our achievements define who we are. It’s about recognizing that being a top performer, having a perfectionist approach, or always striving for the next goal doesn’t necessarily lead to a fulfilling life. We must realise that accuracy and timeliness should not come at the expense of a sustainable and supportive work environment.

At the end of the day, we all need a warm meal, shelter, and clothes—that’s why we work. But what truly matters is cultivating a sense of community and connection, which is far more valuable than chasing status or praise.

Here’s what I’ve learned about working smarter by caring less

Blend in with the team, but don’t lose your values. This doesn’t mean conforming to every workplace norm or abandoning your principles; it means finding a balance between fitting in and staying true to who you are.

Optimise your efforts. Do your job well, but make it effortlessly. Working smart means completing tasks effectively without overexerting yourself. Strive for consistency and efficiency instead of always aiming to over-deliver. Remember, sometimes “good enough” is just fine!

Make friends at work, not enemies. You’ll spend a significant portion of your life with your colleagues, so keeping relationships pleasant is essential. Minimise stress by avoiding conflicts, steering clear of unnecessary arguments, and fostering a smooth, cooperative work environment. Focus on getting tasks done well and quickly without feeling the need to prove anything to anyone.

Detach your identity from your job title. Your worth isn’t defined by your position or company achievements. What you do for a living is not who you are as a person. It’s crucial to maintain a healthy boundary between your professional life and your sense of self.

Prioritise your time and energy. Ask yourself, “Is this worth the stress?” If the answer is no, don’t overextend yourself for something that won’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

What not to do

Don’t obsess over performance reviews. They often create a false sense of purpose and can lead to frustration. Instead, focus on what genuinely matters to you in your profession, whether it’s helping clients, mentoring colleagues, or refining a particular skill.

Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s tempting to measure your success against your peers, but this only adds unnecessary pressure. Concentrate on your own daily progress and keep things simple—your career is your personal journey.

Don’t let work dictate your happiness. If your mood swings according to your job performance, you’re giving too much power to external factors. Find joy and fulfillment outside the office, where real life happens.

Don’t feel obligated to respond to every email or request immediately. Not everything is urgent, and learning to prioritize and set boundaries is key to avoiding burnout. Manage expectations by setting reasonable response times.

Life is much more than the work we do

We often tie our self-worth to professional achievements, letting our jobs shape our identities. When we start caring less about what society tells us important, we create space for a healthier, more balanced life. Understanding what working smart means to us is key. For me, it’s about knowing when to let go, setting boundaries, and choosing sustainable growth over chasing perfection.

#7 Going through the stages of a layoff

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Going through a layoff for the first time

As I wait to start my new job role at the beginning of next month, I can’t help but reflect on what brought me here: the layoffs at my previous company. It’s a frustrating topic—especially as layoffs have been an unfortunate trend this year too—but one worth sharing. Many professionals are currently going through the same experience, and I hope this reflection might help someone navigate their own journey.

Experiencing layoffs for the first time can be overwhelming. The emotions that come with it—shock, frustration, even shame—are intense. Looking back, I realize that if someone had told me what lay ahead, I might have reacted more positively (or maybe not, who knows!). But one thing I’m sure of is that, if I had to go through it again (which I hope I don’t), I’d handle it better, thanks to the lessons I’ve learned.

Here are the stages I went through, from the moment I received the bad news to the moment I landed another job.

The shock

I had a sense that something was coming at my company, but I didn’t expect it to hit me. Just weeks before, I’d joined a new team with the prospect of being promoted to lead the content internationalisation efforts. It was a challenging time—my manager was on maternity leave, and the workload had increased. The team was struggling, morale was low, and I was left to figure things out on my own.

But that’s where I thrive. I love high-pressure situations. Just as I started to get a handle on my new responsibilities, I received an email: a sudden 15-minute all-hands meeting scheduled for Monday. It felt suspicious. We had just acquired a competitor, so nobody expected layoffs. But I did. Company communication had been poor for months, with leadership throwing out vague praise like, “You’re all in the driver’s seat!” despite the bad numbers and other red flags that were as obvious as a summer sun.

When the CEO and founder announced that 20% of the workforce would be laid off, we were all stunned. They said we’d know who was affected within 30 minutes. It was one of the longest half-hours of my life, but deep down, I knew I would be on the list. And I was right.

Anger, hurt, and feeling lost

The email arrived, confirming what I feared. I felt angry, hurt, and, most of all, lost. It was a shock that hit me harder than most life events—on par with moments like the covid lockdowns or the loss of a loved one. Working in an almost fully remote team made it worse. There was no office to gather in, no teammates to share a drink with after a devastating day. My company accounts were shut down immediately, leaving me isolated. I felt ashamed, even though there was no reason to feel that way.

The loneliness of remote work and my sense of disconnection, reminding me of my childhood years, when I first moved to Italy and struggled to adapt to a new culture. The layoff brought back those feelings of being lost and misunderstood.

Navigating the German job market and filing for unemployment

Though it was a tough time, I’m grateful that it happened in Germany. The country’s social support system is exceptional. I eventually turned to the Agentur für Arbeit to file for Arbeitslosengeld (unemployment benefits), and while the process involved a lot of paperwork and back-and-forth, I felt supported. They provided clear guidance, and my previous company also did what they could to help us transition. But, at the time, I was too emotionally drained to fully take advantage of those resources.

Still, Arbeitslosengeld helped me cover my rent and necessities while I regrouped and planned my next steps. For anyone going through a similar situation, I highly recommend contacting the Agentur für Arbeit right away (it must happen within the first three working days following the layoff)—it’s a crucial step in moving forward.

Seeking distractions while unemployed

During the summer 2023, I sought distractions wherever I could. I enjoyed what Berlin had to offer: spending a few weekends at Berghain, attending the Fusion Festival, or just getting lost in the city’s vibrant culture. It was a much-needed escape from the daily grind of rejection emails and fruitless interviews.

I realised that, sometimes, it’s okay to take a break. Finding balance is key when you’re in such a high-stress situation. The emotional toll can be heavy, and allowing yourself moments of joy can help you stay resilient.

Rebuilding my job search strategy

After a few months, I had to face reality and reconstruct a proper structure for my job search. I overhauled my CV, updated my LinkedIn profile, and reached out to my network. It was a repetitive, exhausting process—applying for jobs, going through endless interviews, and then never hearing back from recruiters.

But I didn’t give up. I also took the opportunity to improve my German, enrolling in a courses, workshops and other professional activities. It helped me feel productive and gave me the confidence to apply for roles that required a higher level of language proficiency.

The lucky breakthrough

And then, when I least expected it, I received the call. A new job offer! It’s funny how that works. After months of feeling stuck and discouraged, everything turned around in a single phone call.

Looking back, I see that the job search is like planting seeds—you never know when or where they’ll sprout, but persistence pays off in the end. If you’re currently in this stage, know that your lucky break might be just around the corner, even though it might feel that way.

#2 Saving energy while job searching

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The harsh reality of layoffs

In my early days as a professional, working summer gigs as a student, I didn’t have to look for a job—jobs came my way. First, I worked in the family business, then for a family friend, and later for a friend of a friend, and so on.
When I decided to move abroad, leaving Italy for Spain without a secure job, I was scared, but I knew everything would be okay. I was a fresh graduate with over ten years of working experience in hospitality and fluent in three languages—I had set myself up for a solid career start. In fact, everything went smoothly, and my experiences were amazing. I worked on great products, for companies with cultures and values that resonated with me, surrounded by colleagues far smarter than I was. As a result, I learned a ton in a very short time.
So, when I found myself caught in a layoff last year, I was confident I would find another job relatively quickly. I considered that this time might be a little trickier, given the global crises, but I never imagined that one year later—after nearly three hundred applications and several interviews—I would still be unemployed.

Common patterns during the job search process

Speaking with friends, former colleagues, and acquaintances who have gone through similar situations, we recognized a few common patterns during unemployment. First, it’s a process with clear phases. Second, you learn a lot. Third, after doing it wrong for a while, you start doing it right, getting more callbacks, interviews, and hopefully, at some point, landing a job.
However, there’s something I learned recently that would have helped me a lot in the early stages of this process—especially in preserving my mental health and stamina. That lesson is to calm down, temper my enthusiasm, and accept that setbacks are part of the journey.
Whenever I had a job interview lined up, I would overreact, get very excited about the company, dive headfirst into preparation, and visualize amazing outcomes for myself. I’m not saying this is wrong—it’s actually very good, especially when it’s a genuine reaction. My enthusiasm helped me navigate interviews effortlessly, without anxiety, and with tons of motivation and passion. But it also meant that rejections hurt more. Every rejection spiraled me into endless doubts about my skills, personality, qualifications, and experience.

Lessons in endurance while job hunting

Now, I’m trying to approach things more coolly, keeping it real, avoiding daydreaming about future scenarios, and not taking outcomes as rejections of who I am. Because the truth is, with every setback, we learn something. We get better, more comfortable with the uncertainties and challenges of being unemployed.
Job searching is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s important to approach the process with a balance of enthusiasm and realism, conserving our energy for the long haul. By accepting that setbacks are inevitable and focusing on what we can learn from each experience, we preserve our mental well-being and stay motivated for the opportunities ahead. After all, finding a job isn’t just about landing the right position; it’s also about becoming more resilient and prepared for whatever comes your way.